Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
