I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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