Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
