Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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