i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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