my mouth tastes like poor choices
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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