Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
