yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize