Your dad touched me again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
