Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
