Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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