I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
that is very illegal...i love you.
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