whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
