My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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