i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize