Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
