no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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