Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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