At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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