Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
