Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
