finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
