Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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