coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
a search helicopter?!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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