I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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