your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to calm my uterus...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My feet surprised me
Randomize
