Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
