? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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