the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
