So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
