Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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