Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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