wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
