I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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