I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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