Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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