Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
