There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
