You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
