Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
home. puking in laundry basket.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
