Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
