I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
