He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
