Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
