Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
