Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize