Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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