I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
