I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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