He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
