Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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