We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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