i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
