I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
