The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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