i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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