We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
