I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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