Is it normal to miss your booty call?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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