So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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