Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
