Already got asked if we're dating
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
