Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize