May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
