i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
