Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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