i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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