Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
