can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
