Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
